|
Below, you'll find extensive information
on leading utility trailers oregon articles and products to help you on your
way to success.
Ellen Simonetti Stars In Second Episode Of Jacques
By Tim Mack, Sat Dec 10th
Ellen Simonetti Stars In Second Episode Of Jacques
By Tim Mack, Sat Dec 10th
"Get that shirt on Jacques, you've got a lady to pick up at theAir Port." "Gonna be in the buff by this afternoon driving this broken downcab with a heater I can't turn off. Whats her name Fred? "You're breaking my heart Jacques. Did you ever think of openingthe window? Her name is Ellen Simonetti ." (Article continued below)
"Is she a tall blonde with a great pair of legs." "Yeah she is Jacques. How did you know." "Saw her on TV the other day Fred. She's the first FlightAttendant to ever be fired for blogging." "Whats blogging Jacques?" "The word blog is derived from the word web log. They took the bfrom the end of the word web and then combined that letter bwith the word log. So blog is kind of a hip way to say web log." "Whats a weblog?" "Never mind Fred. Don't think you'll understand. Lets just sayits a little something they invented a little bit past your PonyExpress days." "I'll tell her you've got great abs so you don't have to keepyour shirt off." "Okay, okay, I'm putting the shirt on now Fred. Tell her I'll bethere in about five minutes." Arriving at the Airport his waiting passenger asked,"are you thecab driver with the great abs?" "What else did my dispatcher tell you about me,?" Jacques asked. "Oh nothing much. He just mentioned that you slept with thelibrarian and your school teacher just to get an A." "Gee, I mentioned that in confidence to one person, now Isuppose its all over town. Anyway how have you been EllenSimonetti ? I've seen you on the Today Show and on CNBC. I'msorry that you were fired from your job as a Flight Attendantbecause of your blogging." "Thank you Jacques. Its kind of you to say that. But I came hereto forget about my troubles. My very good friend is gettingmarried and I'm gonna be her Brides Maid. So I'm gonna justforget about Delta and TV and newspaper interviews for a fewdays and just be plain old Ellen Simonetti again." "I understand Ellen. I think taking a break from it all is thebest thing to do. Besides New England is beautiful this time ofyear. How are you fixed for cash?" "I'm okay Jacques. I'm getting unemployment benefits at last. Ijust hope I can finish my book before the checks run out. I'mnot happy about being on such a tight budget but I have nochoice unless I take the offer to be a centerfold." "Oh, so they did want you do a centerfold. Figured they would.It would of sold magazines but I'm sure you made the rightdecision." "Just couldn't do it Jacques. Any way I wear white socks." "White socks! I don't get it." "Its kind of a Texas saying Jacques. Good girls wear whitesocks." "Oh now I get it. Oh by the way Ellen would you like to makesome quick easy money?" "Sure I would Jacques, but just keep in mind that I wear whitesocks." "Sure Ellen, it just so happens that I wear white socks too." "Yeah, great Jacques, that gives me a lot of faith in you. Youjust slept with the librarian and your school teacher but youwear white socks. What are we talking about here? I don't dealdrugs or rob banks either." "No, no Ellen, nothing illegal. All you have to do is place abet on a horse race. And its not on a ringer or anything likethat." "Whats a ringer Jacques?" "A ringer is a horse disquised as another horse. Lets say youown a grey horse thats a top allowance grade horse and I own acheap horse that runs for a low claiming tag. What we do isswitch horses. The bettors think they're betting on my cheapclaiming tag horse but he's really your allowance horse. Itsgetting harder to get away with this today because now they havemore ways to identify horses but people still try it from timeto time." "So whats so special about this one horse race and why do youneed me to place the bet?" "My friend is a horse trainer Ellen. He's been secretly clockingJoisey Girl in the early morning before the clockers show up atthe track. He figures that Joisey Girl is at least ten lengthsbetter than the top contenders in the race. But if either one ofus is spotted making a big bet on the horse the price will godown. Joisey Girl hasn't run in two years. She was hurt but shehad surgery and my friend nursed her back to health. She figuresto go off about seventy to one if no one gets wise." "How much do you want me to bet on it Jacques?" "I only have five hundred dollars that I saved for my rent tobet. I'll give you one hundred dollars worth of the bet just forputting it in. Just walk up to the five hundred dollar winwindow two minutes before the race goes off and say one ticketon number seven." "But what if it loses Jacques? Then how will you pay your rent?" "Its no big deal Ellen. If Joisey Girl loses I'll just have tosleep with my land lady again. She'd much rather have me sleepwith her than give her the rent money any way." "Sleep with you're land lady again! You're putting me on aboutyour land lady. Right?" "No, thats the deal we made. She said five hundred a month or Isleep with her on rent day. But she wanted a three monthsecurity deposit, so I had to sleep with her three times becauseI didn't have the fiveteen hundred for the security deposit." "Take off that shirt Jacques. I want to see if your abs areworth five hundred dollars a month free rent. And I'm gonna takepictures to show my friends in Texas if they are." "Okay Ellen, I'm taking off my shirt but I don't want to seethose pictures ending up in
Seven Legged Lamb Born In New Zealand...
Here is a pretty crazy photo of a lamb that was born in New Zealand. It was ranked as one of the top most emailed photos on Yahoo. Apparently the lamb was born with seven legs as you can see in the photo. It doesn't look like the lamb is even able to stand up as it has some many legs. There isn't any other information on the caption for the photo other than it's a one a in a few million occurance that a lamb is born like this. Are there any nuclear reactors in New Zealand? If so, this lamb mi...
Weird Facial Expression Robot Gets Confused By Bab...
Here is a pretty bizarre video of a face only test robot that does facial expressions. However, it doesn't seem to be able to handle the group of people that are attempting to communicate with it. It just keeps telling them to come close and asks their name over and over.Link...
Tallest Man In The World And One Of The Smallest M...
Here's an article from the UK with photos of the tallest and one of the smallest man in the world. The tallest guy is 7 feet 9 inchs and the small guy in the photo is 2 feet 4 inchs tall. Apparently there is another guy that is slightly shorted. The small guy is 19 years old and the tallest guy is 59 years old I. The tallest guy was also recently married.Link...
Play Girl or something. Remember, Iwear white socks." "Damn, I'm snapping. Those abs are worth a thousand a monthrent. Hey take of some more Jacques. Maybe I could sell thepictures to Play Girl." "Okay Ellen stop snapping where here. Got to put my shirt backon now. Just remember to play it cool. If anyone asks you whyyou're betting number seven just say its your lucky number andact like you really don't care if it loses." "Okay I'll do it Jacques. Any way seven is my lucky number. I'vegot ten dollars of wild money. So I'm gonna play a seven andseven daily double for my self." "I was going to leave right after the first race Ellen. Afterall, I am supposed to be providing a cab service. But okay, putyour double in. Maybe its a winner." "Thanks Jacques, I feel lucky today. And you're right. It is apicture perfect day today. New England is really a beautifulplace." "There she is Ellen. Joisey Girl is walking out on the tracknow." "She's a beauty Jacques. Hope she runs as good as she looks." "I'm gonna head down to the finish line. See ya there after youget the bet in Ellen." "You've got it Jacques, the finish line is my favorite place atthe track also." Ellen returned with the five hundred dollar win ticket on JoiseyGirl and then the track announcer announced "their in the gate." "Are you nervous Jacques? You've got a lot riding on this race." "A little nervous Ellen. I found the most beautiful property inthe world that I want to buy, but I can only buy it if JoiseyGirl comes through for me." "Will you show me the property if she wins?" "Sure Ellen. I'd be glad to. They're off. Oh, Joisey Girl gotbumbed by two horses leaving the gate. She's back on track nowbut she lost a lot of ground." "How much ground did she lose about Jacques?" "I'd say she lost about ten lengths of ground being bumbed likethat." "Then she could still win Jacques. You're friend said she's atleast ten lenghts better than the top contenders." "Yeah, she could still win Ellen, but she can't make anymistakes. Wow, she just made a bold move in the center of thetrack. She's only four lenghts away from the leader. Now deadeven. Oh damn, the jockey lost the whip. Their nose and nose.Neither one yielding. Here's the wire. Too close to call." "Do you think she made it Jacques?" "I really can't say for sure Ellen. I know its a nose job. But Ican't tell whose nose got there first. The judges are callingfor a print." "Whats a print Jacques?" "When the judges aren't sure what horse won they ask for a blowup picture of them crossing the finish line. Seven, they justput seven up Ellen, we won." "How much did we win Jacques? "They just made it offical now and put the price up Ellen.Joisey Girl paid one hundred and forty two dollars for every twodollar ticket. So you had a hundred dollars on her, so thats onehundred and forty two dollars times fivety and I get one hundredand forty two dollars times two hundred. Thats enough and moreto buy the property I want. Lets cash the tickets in and have adrink." "Okay Jacques, but just make my drink a coke, a coke with adouble shot of bourbon that is." "Here's your money Ellen and thanks for putting the bet in. Andhey you still have a ten dollar double going. The seven andseven double is paying fourteen hundred dollars for every twodollar ticket." "Thanks Jacques and cheers." "Cheers Ellen." "They're going in the gate for the second race Jacques. Therethey go. My number seven Texas Sweetie went right to the front.Go Texas Sweetie, go, go, go. Texas Swettie has opened a fivelength lead, now seven. Keep opening Texas Swettie, take somemore real estate honey." "She's got a good lead Ellen but the closers are starting tomake their moves now. She's down to four lengths now but they'reat the eigth pole. I say she hangs on. A sixteenth of a mile togo and she's still in front by three. The five horse is charginghard late, but here comes the wire. Texas Swettie hangs on towin by a half a length. Cash your tickets and lets walk out ofhere as big winners. Doesn't get any better than this." "Okay, cashed the tickets Jacques. Where to now?" "How bout a few songs at the Piano Bar to celebrate, then I'llshow you that property. Do you still sing?" "Just once in a while. I haven't felt much like singing sinceDelta fired me for blogging. Why do you ask? "I wrote a little song I thought you might want to sing at thePiano Bar. Its a sort of political song. I thought you might geta kick out of it. I just jotted it down for you while you werecashing your tickets." "The song looks interesting Jacques. I sing and play piano. Ithink I have the perfect piano tune for this." "Realy." "Realy Jacques. Think you have something hear. Order me a steakand I'll try this out on the piano while were waiting for ourorder." "Okay, let me introduce you. Hi everyone, we have a specialtreat this afternoon from Austin Texas. Ellen Simonetti is goingto sing "Got The Red State Blues." I'm living in a red state But I'm feeling blue Don't know how it happened But I woke up blue My Daddy was in a union when Texas was blue But ever since Texas turned red on me There was no union job for me I'm living in a red state Yeah I'm feeling blue Got fired for blogging Now I'm seeing red With no union job I wasn't making much But I was still the best that I could be I did my job and never complained Then my Mom passed I tried to kill the pain I took up blogging Just to ease my pain But didn't mention any names I blogged out of Quirksville Called it Annomymous Airlines Just talked bout my travels Till one day the phone rang They said I was suspended Something about blogging in uniform Just didn't make any sense to me But when you're living in a red state Oh its just so blue No union to represent you Oh that door can slam hard But what did I do wrong I really don't know But I'm living in a red state Oh yeah, I've got the blues Ellen finished her song to thunderous claps. "You did great Ellen, but why are you crying?" "I'm crying Jacques over the fact that you could write a songlike this in five minutes and still be such a slut. Give upwomen Jacques and just write." "But Ellen, what would I have to write about if I gave up women?" "You don't have to give them all up Jacques. Just cut it down toa parade of one. In fact I'm going to introduce you to someonetoday that would be perfect for you. She really is a good girl.And she'll be worth you're waiting." "Maybe you're right Ellen. I guess I have been a bit of a slutlately. I've been with three different women in three days now.Its getting harder to seem sincere. Introduce me to your friend.I need someone that may see me as more than just a good timeroll in the hay. But first I want to show you that property I'mgoing to buy." "Oh yeah, the property, I do want to see it." "Okay, lets go then if you're ready Ellen." They drove through the valley passing by several lakes and thenheard the sound of thundering water falls. "This is it Ellen. About the author:Ellen Simonetti the first Flight Attendant to ever be fired forblogging allowed me to write her into my second episode ofJacques. Her blog is called Diary Of A FlightAttendant. You can read all of my stories at Irresistible DuJour. | 
